I call myself an empty nester because I am divorced, have a daughter in college and a son who is with me half of the time. I am alone a lot! I have an amazing boyfriend, but he lives 2.5 hours away, so again, home alone alot! Empty nester to me is having to learn to live without my children and having to learn to identify myself for me and not my children.
I am doing okay. It has been 4 years and I am surviving. However, I am still a part- time(full time) mom and I panic and freak and stress and worry and micro-manage and well, create my identity through my son, whenever he is living with me. When he is with his dad, out of sight, out of mind, I guess (well kind of.)
This week has been a roller coaster. Tech week of his Junior Year Musical, Bye Bye Birdie (my fav), ACT testing, State Hockey Game, waiting for audition results and finding out about summer jobs have all taken toll on my son and of course me. ACTs were fine I am sure, the Hockey game a loss. The musical is the musical, it will be perfect- in exactly 1 week! But summer jobs and audition results… it is the emotional ride.
Camp, the safe place, the place where he learns to be a leader, a place where he can grow, is now not an option. It is what it is and I don’t really know why, it is just no longer an option. Tears broke my heart and just wished I could make it better, but I couldn’t. But 12 hours later…
Audition for a summer musical troupe, He did it (well sort of).. He made alternate alternate. What does this mean? It means that they were impressed with his talent, they believe he has potential and it the principal singer or his alternate are not able to perform the duties, he will be called up. It means that he has been validated in his ability on a larger stage.
This was a small victory for my son. It was a pleasant surprise for me. It went from a sad and tearful day to celebration and joy. I know that there will be many more. I also know that when my kids are gone, my job is not over but it is my time to find my things to celebrate, my identity to cheer on. It is just that my kids are just so cool!!